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Poetry by FritoB

hang on to this by avfc4me


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Submitted on
November 14, 2010
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188 bytes
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390
Favourites
13 (who?)
Comments
9
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I am the river living
in the dam, building
rain-
drops
in-
to
a body
One from the vaults.
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:iconnaseni:
Naseni Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2011
Subtle but impactful
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:iconbeaple:
Beaple Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2011
This is a personal favorite of mine. The best thing I've written in over a year, in my opinion. It needs something - a new title, I think - to really give it "purpose". I've got great actors, an awesome script, amazing camera work, but not much plot. Without mucking about with the poem itself, I think a new title would really help with the atmosphere - something about the future intentions of this river building a body (which really sounds like it's building an army).

As it stands, it's all ominous with no promise.
Perhaps the poem itself will build.
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:iconashellessmind:
ashellessmind Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010
Damn.
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:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010   Writer
we are mostly water
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:iconelle-oh-elle:
Elle-Oh-Elle Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2010
The Beaple vaults- thought lost to mankind forever, were recently rediscovered by a crack team of poet-archeologists. It is said that on opening the vaults, three of the five members were killed instantly, minds overwhelmed. Now the question remains... is the vault cursed? Or was it the concentrated beauty, locked beyond mortal eyes for so long, that killed them?

We may never know, but bring you now what these dedicated men and women struggled and suffered to uncover: the riverbends.
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:iconiiixii:
IIIXII Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2011
:lol: This.
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:iconsinewscurse:
SinewsCurse Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2010  Student
Love it :floating:
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:iconiiixii:
IIIXII Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2010
Yeah, you still got it. :nod:
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:iconashellessmind:
ashellessmind Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2010
BEAaPLE Seir
Reply
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